As parents, we all want the best for our children. We read books, attend classes, and seek advice from experts, hoping to find the magic formula that will help our kids thrive. But what if the conventional wisdom doesn't quite fit your child? What if your child’s brain works differently, and the typical parenting playbook just isn't working for your family?
This was our family too. We were divided on tending to everyone’s unique needs and trying to parent with traditional practices such as rewards and consequences, and compliance, even though their brains work differently. When we changed how we were parenting our children through a brain-based perspective, we started seeing more positive outcomes.
So let's start with the reminder that our children want to do well and would if they could. It's easy to get frustrated when our kids don't meet our expectations, but deep down, they're not trying to be difficult. They're doing the best they can with the brain they have. So, what if you changed your parenting approach when experiencing behavioral challenges? It might feel uncomfortable at first, but sometimes, a shift in perspective can make all the difference. Now, imagine if you allowed yourself to step back and be curious about your child's behaviors. Instead of reacting immediately, what if you took a moment to wonder, "What's really going on here?" This curiosity can open up a whole new world of understanding.

Once you have stepped back and observed, what if the brain and nervous system are the source of your child's behavior? We often focus on the outward actions and respond by what we see and experience, but what if we looked deeper? Your child's unique neurobiological profile might be the key to unlocking the mystery of their behavior and send you down a different path of how you respond.
This leads us to another thought-provoking question: what if traditional parenting practices don't work because of your child's unique neurobiological profile? This doesn’t mean you are a bad parent. We parent based on our own life experiences, how we ourselves were raised, and what we believe is best for our family. Your child might need a different approach than traditional parenting methods.
Now we start looking at evidence-based practices. It’s what the schools use when they help a student, maybe this will help you too? Another time for a question. What if evidence-based practices make your child's behavior worse? It sounds counterintuitive, but not all kids respond the same way to standard interventions. It’s not that there is something wrong with these interventions. Your child might need a more tailored approach.
Let's dig a little deeper. What if you started with the understanding of your child's deep need for connection with you? Sometimes, while trying to "fix" behaviors, we forget that our relationship with our child forms the foundation for everything else. We are the parents, they are “supposed to do what I say.” However, what if instead of trying to control your child's behavior, you focus on how their neurobiology impacts them? This approach can lead to more compassion and strategies tailored to your child’s unique brain.
Now, let's address a common concern. What if by supporting your child's cognitive delays, and unique brain profile, you worry you're enabling them? Or what if we fear that by accommodating these delays, they won't acquire the necessary skills? These are valid concerns, but it's crucial to remember that support doesn't mean doing everything for them. It means providing the scaffolding they need to grow and learn at their own pace. These are valid concerns but remember, support doesn't mean doing everything for them. It means providing the scaffolding they need to grow and learn at their own pace.
Finally, here's a powerful thought to consider: What if by modifying your parenting approach, you could strengthen your relationship with your child? This might be the most significant "what if" of all. A strong, loving connection with our child can serve as the foundation for their growth and development, regardless of their challenges.

Before we figured out a different approach to parenting our children by asking "what if...?" questions, our family was falling apart. Trying to parent challenging behaviors created a deep wedge in our marriage and our family.
We looked to specialists to help but were left with minimal information and even more questions that led me to do my own research. Then we discovered an approach that proved to be life-changing for our family, and we started to see positive outcomes for all of us.
Parenting a child with a uniquely wired brain isn't always easy. It requires flexibility, patience, and sometimes, a complete rethinking of what we thought we knew about raising kids. But by asking these "what if" questions, we open ourselves up to new possibilities. We create space for understanding, growth, and deeper connections with our wonderful, one-of-a-kind children.
Remember, this journey, while sometimes challenging, is also incredibly rewarding. There's support, guidance, and a community of parents facing similar situations. Continue to ask questions, remain curious, and maintain faith in your child and yourself. Your dedication and love make all the difference.
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