Parenting kids with brain-based differences can be especially challenging during the holiday season. Changes in routine and increased anticipation of what the holidays bring can be a recipe for overwhelm, leading to increased meltdowns. This may leave you wondering how you will get through this year’s holiday season. I have found a few things that are helpful for my children with brain-based differences that may be helpful for you too.
Prepare your child for what to expect. Show pictures of family members that may be present during celebrations. Explain to them who they are, how you know them, where they are traveling from, and any fun or interesting information about that person to help create a connection between them and your child. Seeing familiar faces and hearing stories about a new person can lessen the stress and anxiety when meeting them in person for the first time.
Food always is a hard one. If your family is like mine, we have certain special foods we prepare for the holidays. Many of these food items are different from the day-to-day foods they are used to. This can lead to refusing to eat, which is never good for our kids. Without proper nutrition, kids with brain-based differences cannot function well, as they burn calories much faster than others. Bringing familiar foods along with you can be a game changer. Allowing for multiple snacks while waiting for a big meal can keep your child’s brain functioning better, and allow for meal items they are used to eating can help reduce sensitivities around food.
Comfort items or having favorite toys with us is a definite need. When the kids feel overwhelmed with the holiday happenings, having comfort items and a place to go to be away from all the commotion is also helpful. It allows them to take a break, regroup in the quiet, and hold on to the comfort of familiarity.
Schedule breaks, especially when it comes to opening gifts. Allowing our kids to take time to enjoy the gift they just opened helps tremendously. It slows the rush of opening gifts and allows for easier transitions from one gift to another. If we see the need, we allow a full break from opening gifts completely, even if others continue opening theirs.
Talk about their feelings with them. Practicing what to say and how to share their feelings with you when they are feeling overwhelmed. Having a special dialogue between you and them can help them communicate their needs with you, giving you clues to their needs without the stress of sharing their feelings in front of everyone.
Have a plan. Emotionally prepare yourself for the potential meltdown ahead of time and have a plan of the actions you will take. This will help YOU stay calm in the moment when everything seems out of control. This will also help a meltdown seem like a moment in the day and not the focus of the day.
Adjust your expectations. There is so much pressure on traditions and family gatherings, photos, and more. Sometimes less is better, and adjusting our expectations can make all the difference in the world. For example, a perfect family photo with matching outfits may not work out if the outfit is itchy or uncomfortable. Ask yourself, "Am I ok without the perfect family photo? How important is it to the family and me? Am I willing to risk our happiness and the comfort of my child, who may be unable to handle the pressure?"
Setting boundaries is the most helpful. Setting boundaries for family members ahead of time lets everyone know what to expect. Especially if the plan is to leave early. Setting boundaries for your child is also very important. For example, if the child does not want to hug the new family member that came to the party, that’s ok. Not forcing your child to give hugs as a thank you for a present is also ok. Letting family members know you will not make your child do what they are uncomfortable with should be communicated ahead of time. On the day of the event, remind family members of the plan, so should you need to follow your plan, there is no surprise reaction that could make your child uncomfortable.
Finally, have fun! Times like this can be stressful for everyone, parents, and kids. Sometimes with all the stressors, it's easy to forget to have fun. I find when we are prepared and flexible, it's helpful for everyone. Happy Holidays!
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